Somewhere around 1pm yesterday the Prozac fog lifted and I realized that I was very happy laying in bed for the rest of my life and didn't care if the sun was out. Remember, I went off the Prozac 10 days ago because no one told me I had to make a follow up appointment with my doctor in order to have the prescription refilled, which pissed me off to no end and I didn't want to pay for or even go to another damn appointment (oh and I thought I didn't need it anymore). So after yelling at the nurse at my docs office I made an executive decision to go off it. Anyways, yesterday I was suddenly sick and depressed about the fact that I am sick and now depressed again.
If you look at Day 40. you will see an outline of my 'no prozac' theory. I saved you the trouble; "Prozac...I don't even think it was helping me anyways. I started taking it because I got really bad news about my lung disease and was super depressed about it. Now they are giving me good news so it makes sense that I'm not going to be depressed about it."
Well this all makes sense right? WRONG! cause the Prozac is gone and I feel like crap again. Just because my lungs aren't getting worse doesn't mean I'm not still sick. It doesn't mean I get to stop putting toxic waste into my body. It doesn't mean I can have a baby when I want to. It doesn't mean I'm not completely exhausted all the time. It doesn't mean I get to gallivant around like there isn't a nasty disease still lingering.
I'M STILL SICK AND I'M STILL DEPRESSED ABOUT IT!!!
So after realizing all of this yesterday I decided to call my dr first thing Monday morning and make the follow up appointment to get back on it, yes for the third time. Then I reluctantly put my shoes on and went to the drug store to pick up my Imuran. Guess what else was waiting for me at the drug store...the Prozac refill! My doctor must have called it in after I talked to his nurse 10 days ago. I had to laugh because I can just imagine the conversation that happened between the nurse and the doctor. They probably thought it was best to just give the crazy lady her drugs and not make her come in if she didn't want to. Divine intervention at it's best.
I'm using St Johns Wart as an anti depressant also. Many studies have shown it to be as beneficial as low doses of Prozac but sometimes the problem with St Johns Wart is that it can take up to 3 months before it builds up enough in your system to benefit from it. I've read that it's a good idea to take both until stable and then try it solely on it's own after a couple months.
My husband told me that he wished I would go back on the Prozac. If you know my husband you know this is unusual but don't worry he followed it up with a standard David comment "You should go back on it. It helps a lot of people. Although I don't think I personally would ever need to take something like that".
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I haven't been on Prozac but I have held a list of others Paxil, Lexapro, Cymbalta...just to name a few. Harsh David comment, you must love the man quite a bit or that is wasn't harsh and was inflated with sarcasm. Anyway, stay with the drugs but also use your coping mechanism whatever that may be. For me it is laughter. You seem like the laughter type as well. Whatever it may be use it and use it many times over. Unless your coping mechanism is not a healthy one. Then, you need more Prozac until you figure a healthy one out! I think I just let out how I found my coping mechanism (oops). Stay strong. As long as your disease it not progressing be happy, be VERY happy!
ReplyDeletelol...my husband is not always good with words. He's a bit different but wonderful and sometimes harsh but doesn't realize it. He puts a lot of faith into God when it comes to depression. I told him he shouldn't say things like that until he's walked a day in my shoes (which if given the opportunity I would put him in the highest tightest heels in my closet).
ReplyDeleteAs far as coping goes, dance and laughter is the best for me. Not much energy for dancing lately but laughter is great medicine and unfortunately Prozac is a better choice then whiskey.
Tell your husband that depression is a physical disease. Not a "mental" disorder like most of the religious community believes. A physical disorder requires a physical intervention or it will not change. Yes, eventually you will need counseling as well to help with the little bugger that is draining your seretonin levels. Fortunately my wife understands depression all too well and I am adding to the noise.
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