Once upon a time I had a plan and an angel...or three.

I had a really great plan. But then I changed it and made a new one, a better one? No, unfortunately the new plan turned out to be the worst ever, it included damage to myself, my children and the people closest to me. It was rot with disaster and took me to the lowest, darkest place I'd ever been. The plan lasted 1 year and will leave painful scars. Now I face the shame of having such a terrible plan, for going against my better judgement and for ignoring that voice in my head. All reasoning was gone.

The one good thing about this new plan is that it came with some angels (and knowledge). The last year of my life has been a battle that I didn't fight alone. These angels held my hand. Guided me. At moments I think they even laughed at me. But most of all they protected me, even saved my life a couple times.

I separated from that person I thought I loved and the plan that accompanied him...I'm looking up from that place. Actually, maybe now that my angels have some down time they can figure out a new plan for me cause I kinda need one...something fierce. I'm grateful for the patience and understanding of my daughters fathers during that time, they are indestructible rocks.  

What's Imuran?

It's January and today I reflected on where I was exactly one year ago today... On an airplane, with my family, on our way to Hawaii for a vacation. It was the most horrific flight I'd ever been on. Lucy at the time was 2 and completely miserable. My ex-husband David was experiencing some kind of self induced coma and was no help at all. But Hawaii was amazing, probably not as amazing as it could of been but nice all the same. It was the last big thing my family did together before everything changed. The kids are adjusted. David is good. A year later and he has moved on. He is a soldier and I'm sure will use the experience that was 'us' as a survival tool to fight off future heathens he might cross.

The point you ask...What's Imuran? My point is I haven't taken Imuran on a consistent basis for at least 4 months. Bad news: I've slacked severely on my meds. Good news: No major symptoms have surfaced that I can tell. I say "that I can tell" because these silly lungs of mine can be tricky.

Stay posted for more...I have an appointment with my Rheumie on Jan 24th, can't wait for that lashing.