Day 189-198 Visit with Dr Russian

Saw my lung doctor Russian today. He's happy about the PFT results being almost normal. He had originally said that if my results came back with improvement I would only need to do a PFT once a year but he's changed his mind. Now he wants me to have them every 6 months while I'm on the Imuran. He agrees with Yazici that as long as the inflammation in my lungs is able to be controlled while I'm on the Imuran I shouldn't need to stay on it longer then the two year treatment. This is good news and we keep waiting.

I also got a flu shot today. Came home and had terrible diarrhea and felt sick. Hopefully this is temporary. I'm not looking forward to my first flu and cold season with a suppressed immune system.

I woke up this morning with a rash on my arm. Not sure why, maybe it's from the garden or maybe I'm starting a minor flare. No ulcers though.

Not really interested in leaving my house these days. Not sure why. Guess you could say I'm not really sure of anything lately.

Day 185-188 So Confused

I'm still battling. So confused about what to do. I saw my Rheumie last week (yes, the same one). He was very pleased about the PFT results and said he would like to see me continue on the medication. bla bla bla

Day 177-184 Today my control is in the paint.

Just having the knowledge that the readers who know me personally will appreciate this post is about the only thing making me smile today.

I feel like I've lost control over my life. Joke right? Yes but no. I've always been a little out of control while always maintaining a "take control" attitude. Crazy and sometimes unpredictable. Fun but possibly dangerous too. There are times when I'm content, at peace and happy. Then there are those other times when I'm just plain not. At some point in the last month I lost the control of my course.

I've lost control of my health and health care so my marriage, mothering and friendships suffer too? Everything is linked together and when one fails, it feels like everything suffers.

So what am I doing about it? For the last 2 weeks I laid on the couch. I had a nasty cold and used it as a wonderful excuse to do nothing. The Fall sun shined and the late blooming flowers showed their faces but I didn't enjoy them. I got up long enough to accompany my best friend while she delivered her 3rd baby, Sophia Jean Williams. I also helped another friend search for a different suffering friend. I spent an evening out at a Spa, I thought it might help but it didn't. However, what did help was paint. I started to paint the walls in my house. Color is amazing. Today my control is in the paint.