Day 25. Dreams

My dreams have been really strange lately, or maybe I should say stranger then normal. Any woman who's had a baby knows that your dreams become bizarre when your pregnant. This is the first time in my life that my dreams are out of the ordinary without being pregnant. I thought maybe it was the extra stress or possibly the new medication but there are lessons to be learned with my dreams lately. My mind is talking to me and I need to listen.

The other night I had a dream that I was in a horrible flare. All of it at once, severe oral and genital ulcers, eyes hurting with blurry vision, a swollen red itchy rash all over my body and of course I couldn't breath. I woke up so relieved and grateful for the changes I've made in my life. I was proud of myself for the initiative I've taken in my quest for healing.

I normally love dreaming about my dad but last night was different. He was sick. I talked to him on the phone, he had just come home from the hospital and wasn't feeling well. The setting for my end of the phone conversation was my house, but my house was relocated to Oregon in the town where my dad is buried. The next day I called him again, he didn't answer but this time a woman did (typical). She told me he was really sick and couldn't talk or have visitors. I said I was going to visit him no matter what. I screamed and cursed her with every name in the book. I was fuming mad. I yelled at her about how I had to come see him because I wanted to get a picture with him before he died. I woke instantly and was completely heart broken.

My dad didn't die because he was sick, he was shot and killed when I was 15. He had been sick before with some kind of Colitis (inflammation of the large intestines) Possibly from Crohns disease or maybe even Behcet's. I'm not close to the Gorgita side of my family. I spent part of my summers in Oregon with my dad but we never talked about the families health history. (That's just not something you worry about as a kid.)

This dream meant a few things to me. One, I need to make a goal to learn more about the disease he had and the Gorgita families history. But more importantly was the lesson of selfishness. I wanted to see him to get a picture? What the hell is that all about? Why was I thinking about a picture, didn't I have a lot of other stuff to say and ask him? Or comfort him when he's dieing? This was a big eye opener for me this morning.