Day 23. The Doughnut Inner Tube

Today was my CT scan. I've had one before and this one wasn't much better.

You lay on a bed while you slide in and out of a huge taunting doughnut. The hum of the doughnut gets louder and louder, what if it spins off it's base? I started thinking about how it would take me with it, rolling down the hall, bouncing here and there like a tube ride that's gone seriously wrong. You can feel the wind from the thing inside the doughnut inner tube spinning around at the speed of light. It circled around my torso taking 2,400 images within a matter of seconds. The white walls. The IV catheter in my arm. The strangers behind the glass. The mechanical voice telling me when and how to breath. The thought of radiation exposure running through my mind over and over again. Constantly praying that I don't breath wrong otherwise we have to start all over again.

The images were a success, but no results yet.

The first set of images was the "High Resolution CT" this was to see if there are ulcers or scar tissue on my lungs (at least I think that's what it's for). The second was with the contrast dye. They inject it into your IV to see what's going on in your blood vessels. The contrast is no fun, it makes you veins burn, gives you a nasty taste in your mouth and makes you feel like you peed your pants. Of course they put a layer of protecting material over my breasts to reduce the exposure of radiation to my breast tissue, gracious of them.

No one explained to me at my CT scan in 2007 that they give off a fairly large amount of radiation. Although, even if they had I probably would've done it anyways since the words they were bouncing around were "blood clot". But this time I thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted to do it. Last week when my Pulmonologist suggested we do another one, his suggestion was followed by his after thought of "but it does expose you to radiation". For this reason I've tried for the last couple of days to talk myself out of going, it didn't work and I went anyways.

The tech that did my procedure was great, his name was Chuck and he told me some funny stories about his teenagers and brought me warm blankets. We talked about the radiation exposure and I told him my last CT was way back in 2007. He explained to me that radiation exposure is a "life dose" not something that eventually wears off. It sticks with you like glue, a really nasty glue. This leads me to a question....The concern with radiation exposure is that it can cause cancer right? Then why do we treat cancer patience with more radiation? I'm so confused. I think this will be my last CT Scan ever.

I have a little battle inside me (other then the civil war, Body vs Immune System). In my mind one side says "No, it's better not to know what's happening with your body" and then the other says "That's ridiculous! You have to know what's happening with your body"