Day 114 & 115 New mattress?

I've been doing too much and not resting enough the last couple weeks and it's catching up with me. I managed to go to Yoga this morning and Lucy even cooperated in the childcare. I had a difficult time doing some of the positions that I could do before with out any problems. I'm still waking up with a sore back, maybe I need to get a new mattress.

Day 109 - 113 I don't have anything to say

It makes me feel good that you care enough to ask why I'm not blogging. I'm sorry but I don't have anything to say except 'I am here'. I don't have any oral or genital ulcers. I'm exhausted by 3pm everyday. I can't keep up with the goals I've set for myself. I'm not exercising lately, Lucy can't stand the gym's childcare center so that doesn't help. My back is particularly sore and my knees have been hurting me. I'm not loosing anymore weight although I could stand to loose about 20 more pounds to be at a healthy weight for my height. Anyways....

As far as I can tell the Imuran is doing what it's been made to do. I don't know if it's working on my lungs or not. I won't know until September when I have another PFT (Pulmonary Function Test) done.

Day 106 through 108 Searching

I'm still here. Sorry I'm not very motivated to write much lately. I'm still searching for someone with Behcet's that has the same pulmonary disorder and still haven't found anyone. I did find a girl that is taking Imuran though. She isn't taking it for her lungs but she says it has helped with her symptoms and other then her hair falling out she is very happy with it. Luckily my hair isn't falling out but frankly I wouldn't be too disappointed if it did. My hair is really long and black, this time of the year it's super hot and in the way. Hope you are all having a great summer.

Day 99 through Day 105 My Limbo

Have you felt lost for the last 6 days? Anticipation? Concern? Confusion? Does this sound like an advertisement? If you've answered yes to any of these questions (minus the last one) you may be suffering from a severe case of 'My Limbo'. My Limbo is a terrible state of mind in which you completely lack a sense of direction. My Limbo is the product of not having answers or explanations to your questions. This is where I'm at.

Day 98. Realization

I was talking to a friend today about depression. We were discussing the importance of making the people around us happy. If I'm happy my family and friends are happy. It was the first time I actually said

"I had to humble myself and take prozac...didn't do it for myself, did it for the people around me because I love them and want them to be happy"

I had the realization that if I was alone in this situation I would probably be completely content being miserable, depressed and feeling utterly sorry for myself. But then again, who really knows what life for me would be like without my peeps.

Day 96 & 97 Giving Thanks, parties and 'stuff'

I've been busy the last few days with parties. I went to a baby shower yesterday and was supposed to make it to a birthday party also but wasn't able to do both. Today was another birthday party for my friends little girl. These little gatherings are great for visiting but horrible for my diet and I've been slacking lately.

I'm frustrated with myself because I want to be self sufficient once I'm off the Imuran. I want to be able to manage my disease without medication. I know this is the goal for many disease sufferers and many times it doesn't happen as planned but I have to at least try. I have been doing a little yoga daily at home but can't seem to get to the gym. There was a big chunk of time when I was first diagnosed that I secluded myself from many people in my life. It was sad and depressing but much easier to pay attention to what I was doing.

Today I got a little crazy. David and I had been discussing the 'stuff' that invades our life and space and by 'discussing' I mean he bitched about all my crap. He started to go through some of Lucy's toys and pulled out all the "baby toys" to get packed away. Lucy is turning two in 6 days and it was time to start going through stuff. I had a hard time with this and realized that I was boarder-line hoarding. In my manic moment I thought I would get rid of all the baby stuff and even my incredible collection of maternity clothes. What's the point anyways right? I talked myself out of it and decided to get rid of all the crap that's sitting around collecting dust.

This Sunday I'm thankful for God leading us to a great church. We've struggled with finding a church to call ours for a long time and I think we finally found one!

Day 95. Too hot

It's too damn hot to do anything...even blog.